Awhile back, I had spent the afternoon at juvenile court. Over the past 15 years, I have spent a lot of time at juvenile court. It’s almost always a ‘hurry-up-and-wait’ deal. This day was no different. I shed my jacket as I walked across the chilly skyway, preparing to put my stuff through the metal detector. As always, I beeped. Security was nice enough to ‘wand me’ rather than make me take off my belt this time. The family I was there to see came in right behind me, the teen not as lucky as I with the metal detector.
The juvenile court waiting area changes little over the years. It smells of sweat and body odor, and sometimes McDonalds. Folks are sitting around in various stages of stress and relaxation. The waiting area is filled with the low backed couch-seats that make it nearly impossible to sit up straight. If you actually dare to lean back in there, it looks like you’re trying to take a nap. So people seated generally either look uncomfortable and rigid, or look like they’re napping. Little kids are made to sit still, older youngsters are lounging and apparently trying to look stress free and bored. Parents often have their hands clenched tight looking like they might break into tears at any moment. I met up with the family and assigned county workers and we make our way over to wait outside the correct chambers.
Waiting for court is always an interesting experience. My job is to be there to support teen clients who are going through the court procedures, so my stress level is low. I purposely refrain from bringing a book, or busying myself with my phone… so that I can be more fully present. I use the waiting time as a chance to connect with the family and interpret for non-English speaking clients until the court interpreter arrives. Then I just provide support. Sometimes the judge will ask me my opinion, other times not.
Everything juvenile is supposed to be ‘confidential’, and there are many conversations that take place with attorneys and social workers or county workers behind closed doors. Still, I am amazed at the sometimes lack of confidentiality and even respect, that kids and their families experience. It’s common (and necessary) for someone to prepare the teen and their family for the upcoming court hearing. Unfortunately, it often takes place in ‘hushed tones’ in the middle of a very public waiting area where other families have nothing else to do but listen in.
A professionally dressed woman approached a girl standing with an adult and a boy who appeared to be the girl’s younger brother. She loudly verified who they were, and quickly introduced herself as the teenage girl’s attorney. “So, you DO understand that this court hearing is because of what you said your dad did to you, right? You know that you’re going to be asked questions about what happened, and you’re going to have to tell the truth?” Her voice was loud and sounded accusatory. I watched as the girl shrunk from the attorney’s presence and slid closer to the side of (who I learned was) her social worker. The girl’s brother had wide eyes and his mouth dropped open. I won’t even describe the rest of the conversation. I was horrified to listen. I did however, approach the attorney and let her know that I could hear her conversation from where I was sitting. She was not happy, but finally took the girl into a room to talk privately.
What is it, I wonder, that causes us adults to somehow forget that the person we are talking to has feelings – especially when they are teens? How angry do we get, when people discuss “our business” in public where others can hear details that may cause pain? What in the world was this attorney doing, making this girl’s (alleged) victimization public? What is it about adults who work with teens/children who forget that they have feelings too? Would this attorney have approached a grown woman the same way? What was the girl’s social worker thinking? Why didn’t she speak up?
Of course, I am not innocent. I admit that in my years of experience, I have had conversations I should not have, within earshot of others. Luckily, it was a teenage girl who spoke up to let me know how hurtful and painful this was. Speaking in public where you can be overheard actually goes against the ethics of confidentiality – even if the person you are speaking with is privy. I feel lucky to have learned this lesson long ago. I have noticed, that many of us adults, still need this lesson or reminders of this lesson.
Questions/thoughts to ponder:
• In your professional life, especially if you work with kids; do you talk about them in public? In hallways? In open offices? On your cell phone outside of a conference area?
• Adolescence especially is such a difficult time. If you work with or parent a teen – how can you work to be more respectful of their feelings?
• Do you have conversations in public that actually should be in private, only because it is most convenient for you (but not the other person)?
• If you overhear something that seems inappropriate, are you willing to step in, to interrupt, to stop what is happening?
• Giving feedback or correcting a peer or colleague on this type of issue can be very tricky. How can you have this conversation while maintaining the respect and dignity of the peer/colleague that you are ‘correcting’?
• Why wouldn’t you speak up? Does it have to do with yourself and your own reputation? What about the person you are speaking about?
• Is it your ‘duty’ to step in, especially if it is with a colleague/peer and you are not the supervisor? I believe so. In fact, I challenge you!
Thanks for listening!
-Sandi
